FAQ

These frequently asked questions should answer anything you want to know about our new Web site and our new Daily DisOrDat.

Q: Why can’t I see Jilly, the Jellyvision mascot?
A: Jilly went to live on a farm.
 
Q: Where can I buy a pair of Jellyvision boxer shorts?
A: From a man milling around in an alley near our headquarters in Chicago.
 
Q: I am using Microsoft Internet Explorer 5.0 and I cannot click on the
game?
A: That’s not a question.
 
Q: What’s that one song… you know, about the girl and…?
A: “Everything I Own” by Bread.
 
Q: Who is the oldest of the Neville Brothers?
A: Arthur, born in 1937.
 
Q: Why won’t you dress up like R2-D2 for me?
A: The costume is simply too expensive.
 
Q: If a train leaves New York at 2:00… Why did you do this to me? Can’t
you see what you’ve done to me?
A: You’re irrational, and I won’t continue this discussion until you’ve
calmed down.
 
Q: Is a whip of black licorice related to a common garter snake?
A: Distantly.
 
Q: Did the dinosaurs ever wear wool fedoras?
A: Don't be an idiot. Wool?
 
Q: Would it be possible to build an exact replica of the Leaning Tower
of Pisa on the planet Mars?
A: Yes, but it would be quite expensive.

 
Q: Will Steve Guttenberg return for the next installment of the “Police Academy” series?
A: We couldn’t find anyone to comment on the matter.
 
Q: Does God fear Himself?
A: Sometimes when it’s especially crowded or when He is stuck in heavy traffic, God becomes extremely angry for no apparent reason, and this disturbs Him.
 
Q: Do you want to know a secret involving Rankin’ Roger from the band General Public?
A: Not really, thanks.
 
Q: Do you forgive Benedict Arnold?
A: Um… the man never did anything to us personally, so we guess we have no beef with him.  Sure.
 
Q: Can you learn to love my conjoined twin?
A: In time, perhaps.
 
Q: So, where did you guys fail out of college?
A: The University of None of Your Damn Business.
 
Q: How am I supposed to live without you, now that I’ve been suckling you for so long?
A: Don’t you want to be a big boy, like Daddy? Daddy sits at the table and eats his food like a big boy.
 
Q: How far would it be from New York City to Los Angeles, in decimeters?
A: Several thousand or more.
 
Q: Does Jellyvision offer a pension plan?
A: Employees never retire from Jellyvision. They are taken out back and shot.
 
Q: Why does Jellyvision smell like that?
A: It’s the ointment.
 
Q:  Aren’t you that guy…?
A:  No, but we get that a lot.
 
Q:  Is there a Jamvision?
A:  Yes, but it contains bits of fruit. And it’s best not to get us started on Marmaladevision.
 
Q:  Hey, who’s that in this picture?
A:  Which picture is that?
 
Q:  The one on the bookshelf. It looks like it’s in a bar.
A:  Oh, yeah. Who are you wondering about?
 
Q:  In the back row.
A:  Aw, come on, there’s like 20 people in that picture.
 
Q:  In the red sweater. Right next to you.
A:  OH! Oh, okay, I’m with you now. Yeah, that’s Jackie. We took “Intro to Mexican Lit” together.
 
Q:  Can I get back issues of the Jellyvision newsletter?
A:  Unfortunately, they’re in the basement, which is guarded by a caribou. We really don’t want to go down there right now.
 
Q:  Will you look this over and get back to me?
A:  You betcha.
 
Q:  So wait, what happened with Dora?
A:  So Peter’s job transfers him to Bahrain. Dora and the kids see him off at the airport,  and Dora wonders what will become of her, since she had secretly fallen in love with the man who she originally married just so she could illegally obtain a green card, and now he was gone. Then Peter runs back in and announces, “It’s cancelled.”
            DORA: “The flight?”
            PETER: “No, the show. Good night, everybody!”
Then the entire cast waves at the camera, which pulls back to reveal the entire soundstage. And that’s how the show ended.
 
Q: Can I use the restroom?
A: I don’t know, CAN you?
 
Q: Will you still love me tomorrow?
A: Still?
 
Q: What are you eating under there?
A: I am not falling for that one again.